~The End~

时间过得真快，还有两天，2010年正式结束了。

已经回不过去了。

在这一年里，经历了很多，但是，我并不见得自己成长了许多。

我还是那不堪一击的我。

我从新加坡回来的生活让我觉得我离开家里，到外面去生活，也许多我是好的。

我发觉，如果当初我选择继续留在这儿，我会是怎样。

前几天，被一些事情困到了。

今天，那事情已经被解脱了。

看书真的很好，可以想通一些事情。*不是爱情小说，不是漫画*

可是今天，又有别的事情让我烦恼。

看来我又要再看书了。

我好久好久没有向人吐我真正内心的心事了。

感觉上，我自己好像也有很大的问题。

有时候觉得，我才是真正寂寞的那个人。

是我自己把自己绑了起来。

就算之前有多么的想把自己释怀，也为自己想好了怎样去实行。

可是，我就是欠缺行动。

行动比千句万句来得重要。

我希望在我回去新加坡前，我真的能够找到机会跟身边的好朋友，一个就够，让我真心的吐一吐。

我真的很需要。

那才是我真正充电的方法。

已经回来一个星期半了，还有三天就要回去了，我都还没把自己充电起来。

我知道每个人都对自己的生活很烦，很累。

可是，我依然希望有一个人能够从我眼中看见我的累。

一句安慰的话，已经足够。

但是，为什么总是那么难呢？

*曾经在我眼前，却又消失不见*

这时，我想起他了。

Lynn

幻想

最近，我看了两部韩国剧。

一部是《神秘花园》，另一部是《原来是美男阿》。

我中毒了。

我看上瘾了。有点控制不了。

中毒，我想原因也是因为被他们的爱情故事，剧情的变化而产生的。

这两部戏的歌曲很很很好听。

感觉就是想爱却无能为力。

其实，我有点不该让自己去迷。

因为，看了这样的剧集，一定会有幻想的。

尤其是对爱情。

突然间，我很想爱~

很想拥有爱情。

我想，如果自己真正遇到那样的爱情故事，会是怎样。

因为我知道是幻想，所以我也清楚知道，我是平凡人。

平凡人，只拥有平凡的爱情。

不会成为童话里的白雪公主。

也不会戏剧里的女主角。

我是平凡的。

那样的爱情，我也许永远都不会遇到，甚至负荷不起。

剧情永远都是剧情。

在现实的生活中，是极少的。

剧里的歌，很好听。

当我听到剧里的歌曲时，真的会令人很想哭。

因为，爱情真的很令人无奈。

想爱，却不能去爱。

想去靠近，却总是更加痛苦。

不想靠近，总是不知不觉中靠近。

想要离开，总是想念。

我还没真正的体会到爱情，我也还没遇到我的爱情。

只是，那两部韩剧，令我想要爱。

有时候，我也会想，我几时才会遇到？

还是，会不会遇到?

感觉自己被故事的情节而影响。

变得着急，变得期待。不再像是从前的那么从容。

但是，

当我打这篇文章时，我的电脑响起一首歌那就是戴爱玲的〈对的人〉。

“爱要耐心等待，仔细寻找，感觉很重要，

宁可空白了手，等候一次真心的拥抱。。。”

隐隐约约中，像是提醒我不要那么急。

嗯，我会变回正常的。

只是给我一点时间。

我就不会再胡思乱想。

变回以前那样，以平常心去等待。

慢慢等待属于自己的缘份。

等待那份真挚的拥抱~

等待那个对的人。

等待属于我的爱情故事。

感觉上，这一篇是我为第一次为自己的内心情感坦白宣发出来的。

是那么的裸露，安全感有点跑了。

但是，应该不会有人留意我的blog，应该不会怎样~

别误会，不是那么“恨嫁”。

是突发事件。

*我一定要为自己解毒，只有自己救得了自己！*

我相信缘份。

Lynn

Here~!

Actually,I wanted to update my blod last time de.

But,there was too many things and too busy last time.

So,I am going to update now for all the things that I want to write.

The most happiest is,I'm home now.Malaysia home...hehe

I was sitting in the bus about 7hours b4 reaching my home.

It was extremely tired,and sleepy.

I will be hime until 1January2011.A very very NEW YEAR,2011,woohoo...:D :D

I will be back to Singapore at 2January2011,8am bus.

Wish that 2/1/11 will not be reached in short time.

The arriving of that day mean that my school reopen and have to fight with my presentation,exam and skill assessment.Tired man....

But,one month after that date will be the Chinese New Year.

Of course,I will be back to Malaysia again =)) although the price is very expensive and the custom will be very crowded.

Next..

It is a good news.

I got an A in my first paper test.

My Bioscience ICA 1,woohooo...I got an A.

It is so good........I feel good~~~~~~~

(13/12/10)

Then,

15/12/10 is my first skill assessment(skill test) day.

This assessment is going to do some nursing skill and the lecturer will beside you and assess your every procedures.

It will be very challenge,because the feeling of panic and nervous.

Although you know all the steps,but,you may feel helpless and forget every procedures while a lecturer stand beside you.

I experienced it.

I did badly in my last semester skill assessment.

For this round,I feel myself got improvement.

I did it quite smooth...

Although I still very nervous,but,luckily that i still can cope with that.

The lecturer who assessed me praised that I did a good job too^^

woohoooo~~~

Thanks god.Thanks my little lucky angel which stay with me.

For this holiday,I have to make full use of it.

I have a lots of matter to be done.

Especially is my projects works.

It is quite worry and stress as a leader.

I am worrying that i cant lead them and do it well..

This holiday,it's not easy~~~

But,I will handle and "take care" of it well..

*His shadow appear in my mind this recently and it's quite oftenly.*

Last week before HOLIDAY !

I'll be back this coming Saturday!Hooray~~
Hmm...That's about 6days more.
I can't wait already~~~
I am missing my sweetest home.
My family,friends and my doggies.
Seriously,I miss my doggies a lot.
They made fun for me.
They made me laugh.
I love my family and I love them too.
My doggies are my family members too.
They are included in our life,even my father,mother and brother.
We love them!
Although,I have to wait until the day comes.
This last week,I will be quite busy for it.
I will be having my Nursing Skill Test on Wednesday 11ooam,Theory Test at 6pm the same day.
Even,I have to sit for 3 hours which from 3pm to 6pm for Open House 2011's briefing.
Luckily that no ICA presentation this week,but have to prepare draft.
*What a BUSY week*
After the holiday,will be a very BUSY study life .
All the matters crush each other,eg,3 ICA presentation,2 Skill test,CNY,Semestral Exam,Chinical Posting.
I will be doing by rush all of this in 3 and a half months,from 3/1 /11 till 18/3/11.
18/3 /11 is the day i finished my second clinical posting.

This few weeks,it was really filled with ups and downs.
My emotion turned and turned.
I encountered a lot of problems.
But,it is categorized as ONE for me.
I havent be strong enough.
Probably,I am.
I know that,but...
Simply I just need timessss..
Maybe is longggg time.

The last time I went back home or stayed at home was two months ago.
Along this two months,I lost many many but gained nothing in this.
I wasted tooooo much.
I wasted to dream.
I wasted to think too much.
I wasted to worry.
I wasted to spend.
I wasted to angry.
I wasted to my principle.
Etc.....
I had did my reflection frequently.
But,seem like that's do not have certain effect for myself.
I keep doing and repeating unconciously.
U.N.C.O.N.C.I.O.U.S.L.Y....
Yes,that's it...
I have to reflect on"unconciously"...
I have to.....

12/12/10..
I had a great steambot dinner with my current housemates.
I was enjoying my steambot with them.
I had a great day with them although I tired enough to prepare.
I had a great moment with them althiough I felt full enough to eat it.
I also have to thank them,they were not letting me to do all the stuff alone but they were helping me even before and after.
Conclusion,great day with them.
But,this kind of day will not to be longer anymore,i think.
We have to separate next year March~~


p/s:I will remember reflection about "unconciously".XD...


~Lynn~

First of December 2010.

十二月的来临，象征着假期。

这次的我还在上课，十七天以后才能放假。

但是，在这十七天内，并不是那么的轻松。

我有考试，两个科目，三张paper.还要准备开学的ICA。

因为，我两个星期的break都不会在新加坡。

所以，想早点解决。

我不想再像以前的presentation一样，那么的赶，前一天才做。

当做完后，就是present的时候，果然很新鲜。

但是，我们根本没有准备的空间。

当我们present的时候，我们才看过一遍，根本与观看者没有分别。

有时候，我非常不满意我的组长的做法。

每次都推到最后才做。

我知道她的能力好，可以只看一眼就可以present与elaborate。

但是，我们其他的不能，好不好？

每次我们问她进展如何，或是需要小组讨论吗？

她就会说“可以的，没问题的~”

听到都讨厌！又是那句。

无论如何，接下去的ICA一定要改进！

十二月一日，今天点进网站看新年的巴士票。

我的理想巴士的票被扫空了。省下的timing不符合我。

过几天，也许明天我就会定巴士票了。

但是，应该是定Aeroline的巴士吧。

我没有选择了，地点时间方便我的，只有它。

但是，它很贵叻。一张票新币五十。

普通的才三十加加。

等我确定了就会马上订票的。

在迟疑就不用回家过年了。

今天晚上，有一个坏消息。

我们的房屋计划泡汤了。

原本已经策划好，约好了。

可是，既然因为某人退出。

其他的也跟着一样。

现在，计划完全泡汤了。

我也不确定以后会跟谁一同住。

也许可能会自己一个。

其实，我很害怕。

当你生在外出，家人都不在身边，就会体验到。

我，也不敢把事情告诉爸爸妈妈。

告诉他们，只会令他们更加担心我一个人在外面的生活。

而且，他们是远水，远水救不了我这个近火吧。

我需要勇敢地面对，生活下去！

告诉自己，慧玲，别哭！坚强！！

就算自己一个人，我也要生活下去。

我要告诉自己，没有你们，我还活着，还死不去。

其实，我很生气他们。

难道他们不懂什么是义气吗？难道他们不懂什么是信用吗？

告诉你们，你们在我心中的信用已经破了！

义气与信用对我来说，是很重要的！

我不可以那么懦弱。

不可以爬不起来。

跌倒是短暂的，学习爬起来是长远的！

加油！！

*一个人知道自己为什么而活，就可以忍耐各种生活*